A passion turned chore, and back around

March 28, 2021

I love taking photos. It's my hobby, it's my passion.

Even as a child I always loved taking my camera everywhere. I would take photos during vacations, while playing with my sister in the garden, while strolling through town.

I really loved it. But of course as a child, I never thought too much about it.

Then I grew up.

Exploring what makes me happy and what I love to do, I discovered that photography is one of those things for me.

At some points over the last years, I even thought about becoming a photographer. Traveling the world to capture its diverse landscapes, cultures and animals. Combining my love for travel with my love for photography and finding ultimate happiness.

But on the other hand I knew that this wasn't exactly what I wanted to do for a living.

I want to help people. Improve their lives.

With photography I can inspire others and maybe even light up their mood at times, but I won't truly change anything for them. Apart from them wanting to travel more, perhaps.

I wanted more. I always wanted more.

Following other photographers on Instagram, I wanted to be similar to them.

Share my creations with the world. Give them a value instead of letting them go to waste on my hard drive.

I told myself I will start posting my photos in Fall 2019.

It never happened.

It's Spring 2021 and I still haven't posted a single picture.

Why? Because I didn't feel ready.

I didn't feel as if my photos were good enough.

I struggled to finish an edit as I always had something to criticize about my creations.

I let it go to waste.

With time, I remembered myself of my plan and that I still hadn't started anything yet. I stressed myself. Telling myself I need to edit all of my photos.

But to date, I have accumulated thousands of photos.

It's a never-ending task. A daunting task. A task way too big.

Instead of enjoying my hobby, enjoying taking and editing photos, it became a chore for me.

It became stress instead of pleasure to sit down and edit some photos. I always felt unsatisfied. Not good enough.

I needed to do something about it. Enjoy my hobby again.

I'm just starting now. I'm improving right now as I write this. I'm still at a point of not truly embracing my passion.

But I've identified what needs to be changed so I can feel better, so I can enjoy myself.

Realization is the first step to change. And I know what to do.

I need to free myself of expectations, of pressure. Let it flow as it comes. Not forcing myself into it.

There is no pressure, no expectations, no limited time. I'm free to take my time with editing photos. I'm free to take my time enjoying myself again.

To be happy, I need to remember that the only pressure that's on me is coming from myself.

I will never feel ready. I will never feel good enough. I will never feel perfect.

I just have to start, and it will get easier.

Let it flow, and it will come.

ジャーニー (Jānī) is Japanese for journey.